As a parent of growing children, one of the things that has terrified me is the thought of The Talk. Yes, The Talk. I'm sure most of us can remember when we got The Talk from one of our own parents, that's if they had the courage to and didn't leave you to your own devices. I seem to recall that I only got half the story. Mum told me about girls and their periods, but I don't think she ever mentioned why it happened, let alone the intricacies involved. I have no idea what my older brother might have been told!
I've been lucky so far. Thing 1 is 10 and never shown any interest in knowing where he came from. Plus, given that he and his 2 younger sisters were caesarean deliveries he knows how babies get out of mum's tummy. He's never asked how they got in there. Phew!
He started an innocent conversation with me in the car the other day. (Why always in the car where you can't escape?!) No one could have seen the turn the conversation would make. It went a bit like this:
Thing1: What country does our family come from?Me: Mostly England, Great Grandpa's dad was Scottish.(various unimportant mumblings)Me: Nana's mum was born on the boat on the way from England.Thing1: That's cool. <Pause> But how did she come out, there's no surgeons on boats?Me: <stalling, desperate for a meteor to hit the road in front of us> Not all babies are born that way.Thing 1: Oh yeah, sometimes they come out the bum.Me: <hoping we'll have enough money for his future therapy> No, they don't come out the bum.Thing 1: What? So how do they get out then?Me: Girls have another hole, next to the bum. (Really? That's the best I could do?)Thing 1: Eeeeewwwww! But still, how do they get out? Like elephants, does a baby elephant come out its mum's bum?Me: No, girl animals have another hole too.Thing 1: Eeeeewwww! But how can they? How do they fit?Me: Kill me now.
So, that went well. He's actually getting closer to 11 now, so I guess we really can't avoid The Talk for too much longer. Plus, he watches Glee so he's probably got half of it figured out anyway. My plan will be to allow The Chef the honours with the boy child. That will mean I have to deal with the two girls when the time comes, but maybe Thing 1 will help me out with that.
If, for some reason, I'm lucky enough to have to do it myself I will be following Mrs Woog's experience, as detailed on Woogsworld. Surely nothing could go wrong there?
In the meantime, I'd love to know how it went for you. Have you had to have The Talk in your house? Is it ever easy?