Better The Devil You Know

It’s uncommon these days to find a person who doesn’t use some kind of social media to stay in touch with friends or family and keep up with the news or their favourite brands. While there are good reasons for using it, many users are unaware of the privacy and security risks that go along with it. It might be boring, but it’s important to have a reasonable idea of what happens to our personal data.

I’m guilty of not reading End User Licence Agreements (EULA) or clicking ‘Agree’ without really looking at the Privacy Policy for apps or websites before using them. They’re boring, often hard to understand, and some are so long. Statistics confirm that I’m not the only one. If there’s anyone who reads all of them I’d take a stab and say they’re probably great fun at parties, or maybe not. I think we all know that when we sign up for a service that our information is going to be used to for something other than simply logging in. But do we really know what that might be? Or what the consequences of that use are?

It seems that most users of Facebook, for example, aren’t really concerned about where their data goes or what it will be used for. A 2010 study discussed by Anja Bechmann tells us that most users are more concerned about ‘social privacy’ rather than ‘institutional privacy’. Basically, people don’t care if Facebook and their stakeholders see what they’re doing, but please don’t let Aunt Bertha know that you fell asleep in the garden after that party last weekend. We generally consider that any risks that come with the sharing of our data are offset by the convenience that an app might give us, or the social inclusion if our friends are using it, or maybe if we Like that page we enter a competition. That being said, we should probably still have some idea about what we’re signing up for.

Often we’ll learn of an app via friends, colleagues, or acquaintances. They might use it and love it so want you to benefit as well. Or maybe it will make keeping touch with distant friends easier. There are numerous reasons, but the gist is, that we are more accepting of any risks that might come with using an app if a recommendation comes from someone we trust. And if your cousin is using it without any drama then it’s got to be OK and there’s no reason to waste time reading the Privacy Policy, right? Not so much.

For example, did you know that Facebook monitors your devices, usage, the websites you visit, the things you buy…. and so on… whether you are logged into Facebook or not? Sometimes even if you don’t have a Facebook account but you view a public page or post on the site. Facebook collects metadata from photos you post including location (even if location services is turned off), and more if you take those photos using the camera facility within the platform. It can also access other information from the device you use to view Facebook including phone logs, hashtags, texts, and contacts.

If you make a financial transaction like an in-game purchase or a donation it gets a bit more worrisome. Collected data can include:

“…payment information, such as your credit or debit card number and other card information, other account and authentication information, and billing, delivery and contact details.”

Eeek!

Most users expect that Facebook tracks things like the Pages you like and interact with and your Friends list. Have you ever wondered how you can search Google for a new sofa then suddenly get all the furniture ads on Facebook? That’s right, Facebook accesses all of that data to share with their advertisers in order to target advertising to your interests. Of course, you can opt out of targeted advertising. It’s in Facebook Settings and is easy to do, but it won’t remove them completely. You’ll still get ads, they’re just unlikely to be for products that interest you. It can be fun though to see the random items that can pop up!

Naturally, there are ways to use social media while keeping some control of your data but it’s extremely limiting. For instance, you could remove any location data that apps can access by simply not using any service that needs to know your location. Just don’t geotag your photos, right? Ah no. Also don’t use Google Maps, GPS, or Uber. Don’t check the weather, road conditions, or search for a restaurant in your neighbourhood. Don’t make an appointment for anything using an online booking system, and definitely don’t check-in anywhere. And forget about using Find My iPhone! Sounds like fun huh?

You might think that sharing your posts with Friends Only means your data is private, but I think you can see how untrue that is. To paraphrase an old adage ‘if the product is free, you are the product’. While we don’t pay for the use of Facebook, Instagram and other social media sites, we earn our keep by supplying a constant stream of valuable data. Unlike many other privacy or data policies, Facebook’s is actually quite easy to read and understand. I recommend taking a look just so you have some idea about what you’re really sharing. Keep in mind that most social networking sites and other apps have similar policies. It seems pretty unfair, but there is always a choice. Be informed, but don’t overthink it. And remember, if all your friends are doing it, how bad can it be?


This post forms part of a university assignment. See comments for references and further reading.

Love is love... if only Government agreed...

You know I've blogged about marriage equality in the past, so my feelings on the subject are no secret. My tweep @jonquil_w has sent a submission to the Parliament Marriage Equality Survey and I offered to share it here.

I don't talk about marriage equality much, because I think it is something that should exist without ideological or religious debate, but I felt I had to submit this and I want it on record as my stance. 

[Reasons for supporting Marriage Equality Amendment Bill 2012 and the Marriage Amendment Bill 2012.]

Recognising a domestic relationship in law by means of marriage is an issue of governance and attribution of legal rights and responsibilities. Such attribution must be based on the existence of the relationship, not any ingredients of it, the substance of which do not effect the consensual basis of the union. We have no more reason to deny marriage to same sex couples than we do to any person of any gender, race or religion. It is not a matter for competing ideologies, but of a common, basic ideology that favours human rights and access to legal protections above all else.

Our current system forces same sex couples to live as de facto couples. The right to live, but not to be recognised or protected, even if they should choose to be so recognised and protected. Having to argue for the recognition of what already exists de facto - in fact - is fundamentally inequitable of itself. A society does not deign to afford people rights as though they were privileges; it grants rights on the understanding and sorrow that they have not been granted to date and should have. Please, can Australia afford everyone this respect and end discrimination.

You can participate in the survey until 20 April, 2012. Let's make a lot of noise and try to get relevant ignorant politicians to see sense!

 

Sunday Session

Kirrily at Sunny Side Up joined in her very first Sunday Session with Thea at Do I Really Wanna Blog? and has inspired me to do the same. I don't know why I haven't done it before, it's a quick, simple post and suits me perfectly!

Music has always played a big part in my life, from spending nights as a teen in my room listening to the Top 9 at 9 (or whatever number the local radio station chose at the time!), to working in the industry in various ways. These days there's a lot of Wiggles mixed in with my usual music choices, but I still love to discover new songs that grab my attention.

I've never really been a fan of hip hop/rap, but this week I was introduced to Hilltop Hoods and on recommendation I downloaded the album. It's been on repeat ever since. The song "I Love It" (featuring Sia) grabbed me the first time I heard it. I think it's safe to say, I love it!

I'd love to know what new music has gotten your attention lately!

Child's Play

Our school was on the news yesterday after a parent called the TV station to voice their horror at something written in the school newsletter.

In part:

Some school activities and physical education, particularly contact sports, carry inherent risks of injury. Parents are advised the Dept of Education & Training does not have student accident insurance cover for students. If your child is injured at school as a result of an accident or incident, all costs associated with the injury, including medical costs are the responsibility of the parent or caregiver.

Student accident insurance pays some benefits in certain circumstances should your child have an accident.

The "whistle-blowing" parent was seemingly put-out at the thought of paying their own medical costs when little Mary falls off the monkey bars, and didn't like being told to take out insurance. Even though, at no point, was it deemed compulsory.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the way things have always been? At least in Government schools. It definitely was when I, in year 7, broke my ankle doing gymnastics in PE. The school is held responsible in situations where an accident has occurred due to negligence on their part, of course, but otherwise, deal with it the same way parents always have.

For some, insurance might be the way to go, that's a personal choice. Given the responses of some parents I actually think the school has done a good thing reminding families of the way things work. The news story actually pointed out that some private schools include student insurance as part of their annual fees, but is it really necessary?

Have you heard of student accident insurance? Does your school offer it? Has the world gone mad?

Movember!

As October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, drew to a close, men everywhere started baring their faces in preparation for Movember. "Movember?" you ask. "What is Movember?"

During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of moustaches on thousands of men’s faces in Australia and around the world. The aim of which is to raise vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and depression in men.

Of course, there is a lot more information on the Movember website.

In Australia the funds go specifically to Beyond Blue and Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia. This initiative is particularly important because, as we know, men generally aren't exactly keen on seeing Doctors or asking for help. It's all about awareness.

Obviously growing a mo isn't for everyone, let's face it, there are some men who struggle in the facial hair department. And most women would have a problem too. But there are other ways you can help. You can donate money to someone you know who has registered to grow a mo, to a team, or make a general donation. You can also contribute by purchasing Movember merchandise.

I'll be donating to a few friends for their efforts, and even Thing1's male teachers have formed a team to join in! If you're on Twitter, here are a selection of tweeps who are doing their bit. Why not make a donation to one of them?

@greyko Donate here

@scuzzi_au Donate here

@PuppyOnTheRadio Donate here

@GhostofSirJoh Donate here

@LaceySnr Donate here

@matchtrick Donate here

Coolum State School team

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Some people think breast cancer awareness is one of the "nice" causes, everyone supports it and it gets plenty of publicity. While this is true, it's hardly nice for the women (and men!) affected by this insidious disease. Like with all cancers, the treatment is often worse than the disease itself, and there can be far reaching consequences of this treatment.

One of my favourite bloggers @YogaChikk has written a powerful post about her experience on her sex & relationship blog Naughty Time. Since her site does contain graphic adult images, she's given me permission to repost it in full here for those who might not appreciate those images (or who want to read it with the kids around!). You can find the original post here.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month--My Story

This post is going to be different from my others in that I will reveal something that has been a very private and emotional thing for me.... 

I have had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. 

I am doing it solely to help other women and the men in their lives to understand the emotional and physical upheaval that goes on once there is a diagnosis of breast cancer. Because my blog is about sex and relationships, that is how I'm going to discuss this..

As women we see our femininity based in those things that are completely female.  Our breasts are one of those things.  Our breasts can feed our children,  and bring us and our partner pleasure. There are very few things that say WOMAN like your breasts do.  Undergoing a bilateral mastectomy was...traumatic.  Suddenly instead of round breasts and perky nipples...there was just a flat chest and scars.  My path was a rocky one and it didn't go well.  I spent a year, having repeated surgeries.  In that year, not only was my health impacted, but so was my relationship.

Its hard to feel sexy and feminine when a part of you has just been amputated.   Your clothing doesn't fit right...you have numbness and pain.  Your body has become almost the enemy...something you are fighting against.  Everytime you look at yourself in the mirror there is the glaring evidence that you are not whole.  How you and your partner deal with that will go a long way towards your emotional health during this traumatic time.

During my personal journey I met a lot of other women.  Some had supportive partners and some didn't.  One story stood out to me among all others.  A woman said that after her mastectomy her husband didn't even want to look at her chest until her reconstruction was complete.  I was personally horrified by the lack of caring and compassion he showed his wife.  She was basically undergoing a radical change to her body and self esteem and her partner was concerned with only himself and her final outcome.  Don't be THAT guy.

I know its not pretty.  There is nothing sexy about a flat chest and scars and the expander process is far from a walk in the park.  However, if your partner realizes and verbalizes that their love for you is about more than just your breasts.  That the loss of those symbols of femininity doesn't make you any less feminine.  That you are still desirable and loved.  Then you will be able to cope so much better with the whole process. 

When breasts are reconstructed, there are aspects that men are not aware of...like your new breasts will be numb. Nerves are cut and you will likely have very little to no sensation in your reconstructed breasts.  Nipples as well have to be reconstructed and they also will have no sensation, are typically flat and do no react to temperature changes or desire.  The areaola is tattoo'd on, this is typically the final step in the reconstruction process.  Some women choose not to have a "realistic" tattooing, they may choose to tattoo their breast or mastectomy scar with a symbol of beauty to them.  I say that whatever they choose ...their choice should be supported. 

You may not wish to engage in breast play the way you did prior to your mastectomy.  Your partner sucking on  your reconstructed nipples may cause you more distress than pleasure, because you may feel awkward about having him touch these reconstructed breasts in a sexual manner when they still feel more prosthetic than a part of you.  When you show your newly reconstructed breasts to your lover, you may be scared of their reaction...that they won't see you as sexy or beautiful anymore.  That your breasts which are a source of pride for most women will never be what they were...and this impacts your relationship and self esteem. 

The fact that the reconstruction process is typically not a fast one, means that for months you may have no breasts at all.  This may dramatically change how you interact with your lover.  You may wish not to take off your shirt during sex...or you may refrain from sex altogether out of embarrassement or fear of his reaction. I say this...love shouldn't be about your breasts.  Love is about your sense of humor and intelligence, its about your laughter and being a good mother/sister/friend/lover. Your partner fell in love with you because of WHO you are...not what cup size you wore.  So, don't give up sex, and don't underestimate its ability to bond you, reassure you and reconnect you when you need those things the most.

Know that this is your journey..and even with a supportive partner, you take it alone.  No one can undergo the process for you, each step you take is towards a goal of health, and you should be proud of that.  Be proud of your strength and determination.  Be proud of the fact that you met the battle head on.  The scars we have, show that you are a fighter.  Yes, your body has changed, but you stood your ground and you have nothing to be ashamed of. 

During Breast Cancer Awareness Month...I ask that all my female readers, do a self breast exam monthly and get annual mammograms.  The guidelines say to start them at 40*, but if you have any family history of breast cancer or you feel anything abnormal in your monthly breast exam, then please consult your physician.  Don't wait. 

You are a unique jewel in an ocean of bodies on this Earth...and you would be greatly missed by the people that love you.  So, for them, as well as for you..please get checked.

 *US.

A very different perspective to those we usually read about. There is no excuse for being ignorant about breast cancer and early detection. There is so much information readily available, and many organisations ready to help should the unimaginable occur. 

Bird, Bees and Elephants

As a parent of growing children, one of the things that has terrified me is the thought of The Talk. Yes, The Talk. I'm sure most of us can remember when we got The Talk from one of our own parents, that's if they had the courage to and didn't leave you to your own devices. I seem to recall that I only got half the story. Mum told me about girls and their periods, but I don't think she ever mentioned why it happened, let alone the intricacies involved. I have no idea what my older brother might have been told!

I've been lucky so far. Thing 1 is 10 and never shown any interest in knowing where he came from. Plus, given that he and his 2 younger sisters were caesarean deliveries he knows how babies get out of mum's tummy. He's never asked how they got in there. Phew!

He started an innocent conversation with me in the car the other day. (Why always in the car where you can't escape?!) No one could have seen the turn the conversation would make. It went a bit like this:

Thing1: What country does our family come from?

Me: Mostly England, Great Grandpa's dad was Scottish.

(various unimportant mumblings)

Me: Nana's mum was born on the boat on the way from England.

Thing1: That's cool.  <Pause>  But how did she come out, there's no surgeons on boats?

Me: <stalling, desperate for a meteor to hit the road in front of us> Not all babies are born that way.

Thing 1: Oh yeah, sometimes they come out the bum.

Me: <hoping we'll have enough money for his future therapy> No, they don't come out the bum.

Thing 1: What? So how do they get out then?

Me: Girls have another hole, next to the bum. (Really? That's the best I could do?)

Thing 1: Eeeeewwwww! But still, how do they get out? Like elephants, does a baby elephant come out its mum's bum?

Me: No, girl animals have another hole too.

Thing 1: Eeeeewwww! But how can they? How do they fit?

Me: Kill me now.

So, that went well. He's actually getting closer to 11 now, so I guess we really can't avoid The Talk for too much longer. Plus, he watches Glee so he's probably got half of it figured out anyway. My plan will be to allow The Chef the honours with the boy child. That will mean I have to deal with the two girls when the time comes, but maybe Thing 1 will help me out with that. 

If, for some reason, I'm lucky enough to have to do it myself I will be following Mrs Woog's experience, as detailed on Woogsworld. Surely nothing could go wrong there?

In the meantime, I'd love to know how it went for you. Have you had to have The Talk in your house? Is it ever easy?

Are two really better than one?

A duet can sometimes be a fabulous collaboration between talented musicians. Other times it can be an absolute tragedy. A while back my local radio station was talking about the most popular duets. I can't recall over what time frame, nor whether it was all Australian artists. But when they announced their number one as Kylie & Jason "Especially for You" I lost all faith in humanity. 

The other interesting thing I discovered when researching this topic, is that Americans have (generally speaking) rather insipid music tastes compared to Australians, when you look at their corresponding lists. I am more than happy to be proven wrong here.

Anyway, in an effort to make things right, I've decided to share some of my all-time favourite duets. Some are classics, some are a little more obscure, all are awesome. At least in my opinion!

Don't Give Up - Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush (1986)

Perfection in a duet.

Under Pressure - Queen and David Bowie (1981)

Queen. Bowie. That is all.

Walk This Way - Aerosmith and Run DMC (1986)

Rap meets rock 'n' roll. Great clip too.

Where the Wild Roses Grow - Nick Cave and Kylie Minogue (1995)

Kylie scored some credibility for her collaboration with Cave.

 

What Have I Done to Deserve This? - Pet Shop Boys and Dusty Springfield (1987)

No one did disco in the 80s like Pet Shop Boys. Bringing in Dusty was genius!

 

Kids - Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue (2000)

Kylie gets raunchy with Robbie. 

 

 

No More Tears (Enough is Enough) - Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer (1979)

So Babs isn't for everyone, but this is a classic disco tune. And find me anyone else who can hold a note like she can!

 

 

When You're Gone - Bryan Adams and Melanie C (1998)

Not sure who's helped out who here, but a fun song with a clever video.

Something's Gotten Hold of My Heart - Gene Pitney and Marc Almond (1988)

This one is a bit obscure, but one of my faves. Hands up if you've heard it before!

 

 

These last 2 are current favourites.

Jet Lag - Simple Plan feat. Natasha Bedingfield (2011)

Nothing complicated here, but the best pop song I've heard for ages.

 

Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye feat. Kimbra (2011)

Another amazing video, teamed with a great tune. Sounds of classic Gabriel.

Do you agree with my choices? Disagree? What have I missed? Would love you to share your favourites here!

R U OK?

“In the time it takes to have your coffee, you can start a conversation that could change a life. 

On R U OK?Day, who will you ask?"

Gavin Larkin, Founder R U OK?

From RUOK? website: Thursday 15 September, 2011 is R U OK?Day. It’s a national day of action which aims to prevent suicide by encouraging Australians to connect with someone they care about and help stop little problems turning into big ones.

Despite the increase in public awareness of mental health & depression, it's still not something that is talked about enough. Too many people suffer without the support of family or friends, and in many cases, despite awareness campaigns, still don't know where to look for help.

I doubt there's anyone who doesn't know somebody suffering from depression. That is, if it's not themselves. I think I know more people affected by it, directly or indirectly, than those who aren't. I was diagnosed with post-natal depression after the birth of each of my kids. I've been lucky compared to so many others, having a GP I trusted without question who picked it up even before I realised something was wrong.

Often all a person needs is to know that someone will listen, that someone cares. That's part of what R U OK?Day is about. Ask someone you are worried about if they are really OK. But be prepared to deal with the answer. If you are the person being asked, be honest. Speak up and be truthful. The R U OK?Day website has some tips on the best way to go about asking someone. The organisation is also on Twitter and Facebook.

So on September 15, ask someone if they're OK. If someone asks you and you're not OK, tell them. They care, and they want to help you.

Thanks to Lori at Random Ramblings of a SAHM, whose own posts prompted me to blog about this.

Stop. Nana Time!

As we get older our priorities change, our wants and needs change. As I flew past 30, and rushed downhill towards 40 I realised that a lot of times the mind was willing, but the body said "not likely, buddy!". That's kind of hard to cope with sometimes, since I still feel about 25 in my head.

I love being social. I love meeting people for a meal or a drink. I can still cope with that. It's the big nights out that I struggle with. The night clubs and overly noisy pubs aren't as appealing as they used to be. Makes no difference whether I'm drinking or not. I discovered I'm truly a Nana a few weeks back when I met friends for a drink at a popular nightspot. We managed to find a comfy couch to sit, then realised that it would take a week to wade through the crowds of people to get a drink. So we sat and chatted. Or tried to, over the noise of the crowd and the pumping dance tunes. That was a big night, we headed home by about 9.30pm. Yes, pathetic!

So this leads me to my Top Ten Ways You Know You're A Nana (in no particular order):

Gone are the days where the kids eat early then you enjoy a quiet meal with your partner after the kids are in bed. Instead you eat with the kids. At 5.30pm.

You count down the minutes until the kids are in bed. Only so that you can go to bed too. And not for Extreme Cuddles, for sleep.

At 9pm, when you used to be heading out, you're sitting on the couch with a cup of tea.

And a blanket over your knees.

If you do head out for a big night, you're home by 11pm. Any later and it takes you 2 days to recover.

You find yourself watching more ABC.

You watch SBS for the fascinating insights into different cultures. Instead of the soft porn.

You watch controversial programs just so you have an excuse to yell at the TV.

You listen to Classic Hits radio stations, or talk-back, because current music is awful.

You can't get through the day without a mid-afternoon nap. But you're still considering bed by 9pm.

Are you a Nana? When and how did you realise that your youthful ways were long gone?

I love equal love!

You'll notice a new button on the right bar of my blog. It was created by the lovely Bianca at Big Words to show support for marriage equality. Instead of paraphrasing what she said, or writing my own version of the same, I will copy her brief post here.

The Right for Equal Love

Apparently, I am in a "normal" relationship and because of that I am afforded the right to be married. I have a husband, three gorgeous girls and we even have a white picket fence. I didn't have to fight for my right to marry. I didn't have to march the streets pleading my case for protection and recognition under the law. We stood in an olive grove in front of our loved ones and were married by a celebrant. We are now legally bound to not have as much sex as before, argue about finances and have stretches of silence between us like other married couples. I simply can't understand why people from same sex relationships don't have the same legal rights. Why can't they stand in front of their most dearest and be legally bound together in love? Their love is as strong as heterosexual couples. Love is love is love. I could write forever on the subject of equality. It's time Australia gets with the program. It's time Australia recognises, rejoices and supports marriage equality. Equal love for all.

So, in my own small way I wanted to show my support. I made an "I Love Equal Love" button for my blog. If you feel the same, I'd love for you to grab it and pop it on your blog too (you can find it on my sidebar). We have a strong voice us bloggers - let's use it! Equal love for all. xx

 If you'd like to show your support too, head to Bianca's blog and grab the button for yourself.

A weekend by degrees

Last weekend I was in Melbourne to attend Blogopolis. The conference was full of great, useful information and tips, presented by talented & experienced bloggers and professionals. It was also an opportunity to meet so many fabulous bloggers I know from Twitter, and to catch up with friends I've met previously. But this blog isn't about that. I realised when I started making some plans that a common theme was occurring, purely by coincidence. You'll soon see what I mean!

My flight into Melbourne was delayed which meant I missed dinner with @TwitchyCorner, @easypeasykids & @denwise1. Instead it was me, terrible TV, Twitter and barely adequate room service.  The time alone was awesome!

65 Degrees. Photo © Melissa Hobbs

 The following day started with a much sought-after sleep-in, followed by meeting up with @melhobbs at the fabulous @65Degrees. This is where my Weekend by Degrees began.

After coffee, I headed for lunch at Three Degrees where I finally got to meet one of my very first tweeps, @seanbradford and we spent 3 hours talking and tweeting. 

Photo www.eurekaskydeck.com.au

The degrees continued after the conference Saturday night with a visit to @Eureka_Skydeck. 88 floors above the city, with 180 degree views. Fantastic views, and very calming. Next time I visit during the day!

Sunday I scored another sleep-in! I was picked up from my hotel by @crazycuddles, and we headed for a leisurely breakfast. Next stop was Gasworks Arts Park for @melhobbs's photo exhibition NYC -6 degrees. 

 

By then it was time to head for the airport. So much fun, not enough time, but I loved the coincidence of it all! Can't wait to see you again, Melbourne!